Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
