final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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