walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
