Im at strip club and am horny
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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