put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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