he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
