Please, let me fuck your mom
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
