just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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