God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Farmville is her only friend.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize