I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
