I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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