This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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