I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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