I think i peed on brittanys purse
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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