is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize