She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
