i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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