Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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