You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
