he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Too much gin, very little bucket
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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