Will you blow on my dice?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
