i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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