my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
