i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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