and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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