so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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