We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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