a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
