when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize