i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
