is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize