hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
