one word: firstdatebathroomanal
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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