Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Actions speak louder than pants.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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