He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
