youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
