I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
