Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
