like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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