I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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