Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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