So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I would fuck him just for his dog
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
