So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
