Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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