The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
