I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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