Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
