My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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