Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
