I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
