She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
