why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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