We're like a lot better than the average bears
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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