i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
