She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize