you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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