We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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