i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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