Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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