Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
