Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
