she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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