I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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