your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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