absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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