you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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