I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
