Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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