addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
