I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
