I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
