We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
